How to help your teen cope with feeling left out
Adolescence is a time when belonging and friendships are vital. If your teen feels left out, it’s normal for them to experience sadness, anxiety, or low self-esteem. As a parent, you can play a key role in helping them manage these feelings and develop healthy social skills.
Here are practical, actionable steps to support them effectively.
Listen actively and validate their emotions
When your teen expresses feeling excluded, listen without interrupting or rushing to offer solutions. Avoid phrases like “It’s not a big deal” or “You’ll make new friends soon.” Instead, try:
- “I understand why that feels upsetting.”
- “It must be hard to go through this.”
Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to express their feelings: “What happened exactly?”, “How does it make you feel?”, “What would you like to change?” Feeling heard and validated is the first step towards coping.
Don’t push them to fit in at any cost
Explain that they don’t need to force friendships with people who don’t value them. Instead of insisting on being part of a group that excludes them, help them find peers who share their interests and where they can feel comfortable and accepted.
Phrases you can suggest they say:
- “I don’t need to change who I am to be liked. True friends appear when I can be myself.”
- “Sometimes we try to fit in with groups that don’t appreciate us, and it makes us feel worse. Let’s look for people who share my interests and make me feel comfortable.”
- “Friendship can’t be forced. The right people will stay because they like who I am.”
- “My worth doesn’t depend on being in a group. What matters is surrounding myself with people who respect me.”
Help them understand the situation
It’s important to analyse together what’s happening. Ask if there’s been a misunderstanding or behaviour that may have caused distance. Teens may unknowingly act impulsively or impose their point of view. If that’s the case, guide them to improve social skills like active listening, assertiveness, and empathy.
Phrases you can suggest they say:
- “Do you want to think together about what might have happened? Sometimes misunderstandings can be cleared up by talking.”
- “Do you think something you did might have bothered them without realising it? This isn’t to blame you, just to understand better.”
- “What do you think they were feeling at the time? Seeing it from their perspective might help us understand.”
- “Do you want to practise how you could calmly express your feelings to them?”
- “It’s brave of you to try to understand. That shows empathy and a willingness to improve things.”
If your teen struggles to fit in at school or their current friend group, encourage them to explore activities where they can meet peers with similar interests. Ask:
- “Would you like to try a new sport, club, or volunteer activity?”
- “Are you interested in learning something new, like playing an instrument?”
Help them research options at school or in the community. If taking the first step is difficult, accompany them to their first session or practise introductions together.
Boost self-esteem with concrete examples
Feeling excluded often affects a teen’s self-esteem. Remind them of their strengths with specific examples:
- “I noticed how patient you were helping your sibling with homework.”
- “Your creativity is amazing—the comic you drew is fantastic.”
Encourage them to focus on activities that showcase their talents and make them feel valued.
Make home a safe and comforting space
Home should be an emotional refuge where your teen feels unconditionally loved and valued. Reinforce that family is their most important support network. You can:
- Spend quality time together, like watching a film or doing a family activity.
- Remind them that home is always a safe space.
- Promote open communication so they feel comfortable sharing worries.
In today’s digital world, tools like a GPS smart watch with calling can be a safe alternative to a mobile phone. They allow parents to stay connected without exposing children to online risks, providing security and peace of mind.
Teach healthy coping strategies
Help your teen develop positive ways to handle emotions. Some options include:
- Writing a journal to express feelings.
- Playing sports or engaging in physical activity.
- Creative activities like painting, music, or crafts.
- Mindfulness or deep-breathing exercises.
These can help them release tension and regain a sense of control over their emotions.
Set boundaries with others
If they face exclusion or bullying, teach them how to respond assertively and respectfully. Practise phrases like:
- “I don’t like what you’re doing, please stop.”
- “I prefer to be with people who respect me.”
Remind them to seek support from a teacher, counsellor, or you if the exclusion escalates.
Talk with teachers
Involving teachers is crucial. Discussing the situation with them helps you understand what’s happening in class. Teachers can organise group activities to promote inclusion or monitor the behaviour of children excluding your teen.
Seek professional help
If exclusion seriously affects their well-being or daily life, consider professional support. A mental health specialist can help your teen develop strategies to cope healthily.
If your teen expresses self-harm or suicidal thoughts, act immediately and seek expert help. You can contact the Samaritans at 116 123 in the UK.
Conclusion
Supporting your teen through feelings of exclusion requires empathy, patience, and open communication. These steps help them build self-esteem, develop friendships, and know that their family will always have their back.
For parents seeking a safe alternative to a mobile phone, a GPS smart watch with calling helps maintain parental connection, ensures safety, and supports emotional well-being, while reducing exposure to online risks.
